July 17th

'Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven'

Wow. We had our first session on the Beautitudes from Heidi just now. It completely wrecked me - Im totally undone. This verse has totally come alive to me with meaning and humbled me. What is it about the poor, and also about children, that brings them the kingdom of heaven? What do they have?
All the student pastors that had had children die were asked to come to the front (Iris trains up pastors for 4 years here, and sometimes we have our classes with them.. many of them are baby christians..and have only known Jesus for a few months!). Probably 1/3 of the pastors came to the front out of the 200. They had lost children due to such simple means by which we in the west would consider not worth worrying about. Some because the mum didn't have any milk. Some becuase of starvation; some because of malaria; some at childbirth. It was a realisation that i will never forget. The poor have desperation - they can only but rely on God. If God doesn't show up they will die! They have to rely on God. They have humility, and they know they are poor - they know they have to rely on God. In a similar way, God says that children will inherit the kingdom of heaven. Children are hopelessly dependent, they are vulnerable, they have no back-up plan, and they believe so beautifully. Children know how to play - they have a natural joy! Children need and want Mum and Dad - they can't function without him (something my parents will know!!) and amongst everything, all they really want is mum and dad.. no sweets, no bike, nothing. They just want their parents! All these student pastors were asked to come and pray for all of us holy given students for impartation of desperation. Then we prayed for all those that had had children died. It was so powerful. It was so humbling. I have had such a revelation of these things, and God has completely broken me. God wants us to have a faith like this! He wants us to be so utterly desperate for him, where we literally cant function without him... I am desperate for him! I am hungry for him, but i want more desperation. I want the desperation of a small child who wants their dad!

The more i am living here, the more i learn what life is truely like here, and what it is to be a missionary. I know that all my blog things probably come across like everything is perfect, etc.. But daily there are crisis' here. Just yesterday, one of the Pastors from another province had an attempted murder attack, and was knifed all across his face. The guy who did it is known here, so everyone is really shaken up, particulary the student pastors. So your prayers for this stituation would be great.